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We adore Gordon Dillow. He’s a good man, a right-wing police apologist and, apparently, a McGruff doppelganger. The Orange County Register columnist comes up with his own McGruff-esque catchphrase to warn Paris Hilton that she’d never have been sprung early had she done time behind the Orange Curtain:

Because in the Orange County jail, if you do the crime you’re going to do most of the time.

No matter how much you whine.