The National Magazine Awards (a.k.a. The Ellies) were given out last night and almost every magazine you can think of won, aside from The New Yorker. The magazine was nominated five times, but failed to take home a paperweight that vaguely resembles an elephant for the first time since 2007. But don’t feel bad for The New Yorker. It’s still The New Yorker.

Other notables from the Ellies: New York won Magazine of The Year and National Geographic won four times, the most of any magazine.

Below is the extremely long list of winners.

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• GalleyCat: Stephen King is releasing a new novel in his Dark Tower series. That means he’ll have written about 45,657 books.
• FishbowlLA: The LA Times published a gigantic database listing all the places that distribute medicinal pot. Stoners reportedly celebrated, but then forgot what they were celebrating, and headed to Taco Bell instead.
• PRNewser: PETA is rethinking its habits of scaring the crap out of everyone.

• FishbowlLA: The Stand, Stephen King’s novel that got the TV mini-series treatment back in 1994, is now being prepped for a movie run. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was in the mini-series, so if he’s not in the movie, we will protest.
• FishbowlDC: An event at the Finnish Embassy involved a sauna and butt linens.
• AgencySpy: Michelle Beadle of ESPN is not a good actress.