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Pope Francis Used to Be a Bouncer, But Now He’s Just a Spy

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The spy who loved me and you and every other one of God’s creatures

Whoa, calm down! We didn’t mean “spy” like Daniel Craig or Felicity or the undercover Russian who doubles as a model in her spare time.

Following yesterday’s big reveal about Pope Francis once working as a bouncer at an Argentinian club, we learned that he’s been donning the robes of a regular priest and sneaking out of the Vatican at night to check on Rome’s homeless population, pray for them and hand out donations without revealing his identity. Given that he’s one of the most famous men on earth, we didn’t really think this would work—but then we thought about his audience and reconsidered.

Today’s addition to the growing “how badass can this guy be” canon comes courtesy of uCatholic and an interview with an Archbishop responsible for distributing money from the Holy See to the “poor and marginalized.”

When asked whether Francis joins him on his nightly walks around the city to distribute alms, prayers and food to the homeless, he simply smiled and said “Next question, please”, which is media relations speak for “uh, yeah”. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: this man should be the patron saint of PR.

We’d like to start a petition, but we can’t imagine it going too far since we’re not Catholic. For the moment we’ll just try to imagine Pontifex kicking stingy guests out of Leo DiCaprio’s “must donate” birthday party.

Ahh. That was nice.

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