You might be hard-pressed to find a more useless Twitter app than Twimon (in fact, that is a challenge). Twimom combines all the worst aspects of Twitter clients, Tamagatchi eggs and check-in services in one giant buggy ball of inanity. It’s as if someone decided they needed to come up with a way to get kids who aren’t interested in using Twitter at all to start tweeting.

Twimom is an attempt to make tweeting fun by using it as the background for a game in which you raise monsters (hence the portmanteau of the name). Once your egg hatches it grows into a baby monster that sits at the bottom left corner of your Twitter stream. You nurture the beast by paying attention to it (tapping it every ten minutes) and posting messages to Twitter. Of course, inevitably, the app wants to post your monster’s developments to your Twitter, for which you gain health points that advance you further in the game.

What do you do with these health points? Glad you asked. You can dispatch the monster to locations on a map of your immediate surrounding area (so it’s location aware) to conquer them. Keep in mind, you yourself don’t actually travel to these places and check in, you just pick them out on the map (of course, the app wants to tell your Twitter followers that your monster is raiding the local coffee shop or whatever). The intention is that your friends will play along, raise their own monsters and you’ll all compete to conquer local outposts with your monsters.

This is all very cute if you are a attention deficient 10-year-old. Of course the main problem is not many 10-year-olds are using Twitter on their iPhones (the app is currently available only on the iPhone).

If that were the only problem with the app that would be one thing (perhaps there are some particularly regressive members of the typing pool who’d get a kick out of playing), but the larger issue is that it’s not particularly good at any of the things it sets out to do. Even for the aforementioned 10-year-olds and cubicle drones there is not much to the game. The monster simply hatches and you wait. Then “attack” locations Pokémon style. If no one else is playing (and trust us, they aren’t) it gets old even faster than it otherwise would.

The app fails in every way as a Twitter client. It’s difficult to read and use — the monster gets in the way and individual tweets take an awful lot of screen real estate with their Flinstones-style borders — has no features (unless you count the goblins) and is generally buggy and prone to crashes.

Download it: If you are a bored 10-year-old with an iPhone

Skip it: Tweeting is its own reward