We’re only going to tell you this once, and we’re only telling you because we care about your general welfare: Do not buy your loved one a New York Times subscription for Valentine’s Day. Yes, this is a nice deal. And yes, the Times is the best newspaper in the nation. But it is not — repeat, not — what your sweetheart wants for Valentine’s Day. They want something romantic. Not a homework assignment.

This is such a bad choice for Valentine’s Day that there really are only two reasons you’d choose it:

1) You enjoy being yelled at by your loved one.

2) You do not love your loved one.

If either of those two apply, then by all means buy the subscription. And yeah, sure, you can crash on our couch for a few days.